The Definitive Winfrey

Bathroom

Okay, I don't know about you guys, but I have a strict set of rules that I follow when I use public restrooms. Don't talk to anyone, don't look at anyone for a very long time, and never eat while using the restroom. The last rule is not just for public restrooms but for my very own home restroom as well. Yet as I used the restroom in school the other day I saw someone come up to the urinal beside me and finish off a Swiss cake roll. Then he totally went to the bathroom. I thought to myself, "I kind of want a Swiss cake roll. But that's gross. You don't eat in restrooms!" Firstly because it is more than a little disgusting, secondly because it is really weird. There are only two seperate situations I can remember eating in a restroom.
Situation One: A Delicious Reeses on the Toilet
So as a young boy I was borderline disgustingly fat. I liked candy. I ate Reeses like crazy and one day I got one at the grocery store. On the ride home I came to the conclusion I had to use the restroom. The equation looked something like this: need to poop>desire to eat candy. So it was settled. I would go to the restroom and then eat the candy. Yet the more I thought about it the more I realized I wanted to eat. The equation was begining to look more like this: desire to eat candy=need to poop. So when I got home I ate the candy bar in the restroom. Just the fact that I remember this, and remember feeling weird about it even when I was a fat dirty little kid, makes me realize something is wrong with eating in restrooms.
Situation Two: A Fordbidden Cupcake
So I like cupcakes. You got me. I like them now, and I'm sure I liked them then. I remember one occasion when my mother almost violently denied me a cupcake. I waited until she was not looking, grabbed the cupcake, and went to the only private room in the house. So I sat on the toilet (and if I remember correctly even pulled my pants down, even though I wasn't using the toilet) and ate the you know what out of that cupcake. Then I flushed the evidence. I just remember that the cupcake didn't taste as good when I was cramming it into my mouth without any pants on.
And that's why I don't eat in the bathroom.
And then I cried until I threw up.

So I am surfing the internet and out of nowhere comes a peculiar little angel named...gizhalfamo22. You may be asking yourself, "What could that screen name possibly mean?" Well I incourage you to read on, and maybe you will learn a little more than you wanted to know. The following is my brief, but insightful conversation with gizhalfamo22. gizhalgizhalfamo22 [8:06 P.M.]: hey h ow was sarah?gizhalfamo22 [8:06 P.M.]: hey h ow was sarah?Himey08 [8:06 P.M.]: What?gizhalfamo22 [8:07 P.M.]: this is sarah j whats upHimey08 [8:07 P.M.]: nothing gizhalfamo22 [8:07 P.M.]: r u mad at me bc everyone found outHimey08 [8:08 P.M.]: I'm more than a little upsetgizhalfamo22 [8:08 P.M.]: at me? do u think i am gross or somethingHimey08 [8:09 P.M.]: Listen, I don't know who this is.gizhalfamo22 [8:09 P.M.]: sarahHimey08 [8:09 P.M.]: What happened anyway?gizhalfamo22 [8:10 P.M.]: who is thisgizhalfamo22 [8:10 P.M.]: this aint zachgizhalfamo22 [8:10 P.M.]: is it/Himey08 [8:10 P.M.]: Nogizhalfamo22 [8:10 P.M.]: who is itHimey08 [8:10 P.M.]: I don't know who you areHimey08 [8:10 P.M.]: My name is Scott Rehbeingizhalfamo22 [8:11 P.M.]: whatever i am Dum FukHimey08 [8:12 P.M.]: Hello Dum Fukgizhalfamo22 [8:13 P.M.]: Wai Yu Mun Ching? Himey08 [8:14 P.M.]: Have you heard the joke about what's brown and sticky?gizhalfamo22 [8:15 P.M.]: uHimey08 [8:16 P.M.]: A stickgizhalfamo22 [8:16 P.M.]: did u know busch is born of natural ingredients refreshing beer surgeon warning women nwho are pregnant should not drink during pregnancy Himey08 [8:17 P.M.]: No. Do you know the way to San Jose?gizhalfamo22 [8:17 P.M.]: thru ur assholeHimey08 [8:18 P.M.]: No, not through my asshole.Himey08 [8:18 P.M.]: Are you drinking again?gizhalfamo22 [8:18 P.M.]: hell yeahHimey08 [8:18 P.M.]: You're not pregnant are you?gizhalfamo22 [8:19 P.M.]: no r ugizhalfamo22 [8:19 P.M.]: brewery fresh tasteHimey08 [8:19 P.M.]: I thought you said maple leavesgizhalfamo22 [8:21 P.M.]: their growing on my living room floorHimey08 [8:21 P.M.]: Why did you start talking to me?gizhalfamo22 [8:22 P.M.]: no why did you start talk in to me?Himey08 [8:23 P.M.]: Listen up gizhalfamo22. You started talking to me.gizhalfamo22 [8:24 P.M.]: do you even know who this is gizhalfamo22 [8:24 P.M.]: and this is zachHimey08 [8:24 P.M.]: I have no idea who I am talking toHimey08 [8:24 P.M.]: And no, this is not Zachgizhalfamo22 [8:26 P.M.]: well this is jordin hllwiggizhalfamo22 [8:26 P.M.]: do you guys like me?Himey08 [8:26 P.M.]: Who?gizhalfamo22 [8:27 P.M.]: jordin hillwig gizhalfamo22 [8:27 P.M.]: do you guys like me?Himey08 [8:27 P.M.]: What guys?gizhalfamo22 [8:27 P.M.]: who ever is talkin to me like me?Himey08 [8:28 P.M.]: I have no idea who you are or how old you are or if you are a dudegizhalfamo22 [8:31 P.M.]: im in 12th grade and i am dating jimmy greenawaltgizhalfamo22 [8:31 P.M.]: now do you know who i am Himey08 [8:31 P.M.]: Jimmygizhalfamo22 [8:31 P.M.]: yeah jimmy greenawaltHimey08 [8:32 P.M.]: Do you ever call him Jables?gizhalfamo22 [8:32 P.M.]: no whygizhalfamo22 [8:32 P.M.]: i call him james almonHimey08 [8:32 P.M.]: Why would you do this?gizhalfamo22 [8:34 P.M.]: becasue i am madly in loveHimey08 [8:34 P.M.]: Well I'm glad to hear that you are madly in love with Jimmy Greenawaltgizhalfamo22 [8:35 P.M.]: and b/c i like to stick balls in my mouthgizhalfamo22 [8:35 P.M.]: thankdsHimey08 [8:35 P.M.]: You stick balls in your mouth?gizhalfamo22 [8:36 P.M.]: jimmys big fat ballsHimey08 [8:36 P.M.]: He's got big fat ones does he?gizhalfamo22 [8:37 P.M.]: sweaty big hairy ones'Himey08 [8:38 P.M.]: Listen, I think this conversation is really headed south so let's talk about...roller skating.gizhalfamo22 [8:38 P.M.]: i olove to skate rollers on the icegizhalfamo22 [8:38 P.M.]: while smokin a fattyHimey08 [8:39 P.M.]: Let's talk about spontaneous human combustion.gizhalfamo22 [8:40 P.M.]: combustion is my shit spontanious is when it flies out of my asshole and human is what i amHimey08 [8:40 P.M.]: I'll have to look that one up, but I think we are on a different page here gizzogizhalfamo22 [8:41 P.M.]: different pages is when u turn a book to another page....lookin it up in a book is what u will doHimey08 [8:41 P.M.]: What does your screen name mean?gizhalfamo22 [8:43 P.M.]: josh pollock called me giz b/c he made me jiz and accidentily called it giz and matt morris was there and made me jiz too so we made it halfamo b/c his name is momoHimey08 [8:44 P.M.]: Wow. It's dirty, but I would expect nothing less from you.gizhalfamo22 [8:44 P.M.]: yeah i know... dirty is like my middle name when i dont showerHimey08 [8:47 P.M.]: Well you have given me a surprising amount of information And then, just as suddenly as she had appeared, she was gone. Gizhalfamo, you will continue to be loved.